For Baby Growing 101, you’ll want to attend a childbirth class hosted by an actual medical professional and/or read a baby book written by someone far more qualified than me.
I actually LOVED being pregnant. I had a little nausea in the beginning, but nothing unmanageable. I had some pretty intense pain in the last few weeks, but that’s another story. Other than that, I had a pretty great pregnancy – a blessing that I don’t take for granted. I loved my baby belly, and feeling baby kicks, and seeing baby ultrasounds. As happy as I was, I still encountered some fun little unanticipated adventures I thought you might want a heads up on.
Things that sometimes happen when you’re pregnant, other than the obvious growth of a human in your belly:
Your feet get bigger.
Yup. That’s a thing. A real thing and definitely not a joke. Our bodies produce a hormone called relaxin to loosen up our pelvic ligaments and joints. It plays a big role in a lot of things and you should definitely read more about it. What sucks is that it also allows the joints and ligaments in your feet to loosen, which is why your foot size can increase.
Balls.
You need a loofa on a stick.
This was a big knock to my pride, but near the end of my pregnancy, I did, in fact, have trouble reaching everything that needed to be reached in the shower. I denied it for a bit, but with all grieving, acceptance eventually came. I went to the store, selected a loofa with a long handle, and purchased that bad boy with my head held high. I did neglect to tell my husband beforehand, so he did crack a joke about it when I got home, so I murdered him with it.
You will get stuck on a piece of furniture.
Picture an upside down turtle, stuck on its shell. Now picture your face on that turtle. You will most likely come up with a myriad of strategies to roll in and out of bed, on and off the couch, climb in and out of your car, etc. etc. It is also very likely that these will not be even a little bit graceful. One day, you may find yourself in a situation where none of your strategies are working, and that you are actually, physically, literally STUCK. For me it was my third trimester in a big ol’ recliner. Thankfully my husband was home and helped me out. Moral of the story, make sure you always have food and water before you sit anywhere because you don’t know how long you’ll be there.
Random people touch your belly.
I am happy to say I experienced very little of this, but it is so ridiculously common. For some reason the existence of a fetus makes people forget and/or ignore that they are touching someone’s stomach. If the time comes when someone you definitely don’t ever, for any reason, want touching you starts reaching for that belly, you are definitely allowed to tell them no without feeling guilty. I’m also in full support of just smacking their hand away, preferably with a fly swatter, but that may not be the most mature way to handle the situation.
Your excitement will only be matched by your fear.
“OH MY GOD I’M HAVING A BABY!” And “OH MY GOD I’M HAVING A BABY…” It’s exciting! You’ve probably wanted this for a while now and it’s finally happening! Yaaaaaaaay! And then you start to think about how you are actually going to have another human to keep alive, and everything that entails, and it’s terrifying. And normal.
Having a baby is not all rainbows and giggles, but it also isn’t all sleep deprivation and poop. Like everything else in life, there are goods and bads. Just keep in mind that babies are designed to survive new parents, and try to focus on the excitement rather than the fear.
You will discover that your body has these things called “round ligaments.”
These help support the uterus, and they seem super important and bla bla bla. They hurt, and in my very (non)medical opinion, they can suck it.
Stretch marks have a mind of their own.
I don’t think it matters how much cocoa butter or coconut oil or magic potion you smear on your tummy. I’ve seen people moisturize and have horrible stretch marks, or not at all and have none. I don’t get it, and I’m definitely a scientist so you should take my thoughts and feelings on stretchmarks very seriously.
You will be very hungry. There’s also a decent chance you can’t eat.
So this could happen for a number of reasons. All day sickness, weird cravings, and smell aversions are definitely obstacles when it comes to abating your pregnancy appetite. Another fun obstacle? Later on in your pregnancy, the baby is going to squish all your organs up into your rib cage (more or less) leaving very little room for your stomach to expand when you want to fill it full of tacos and chocolate chip muffins. So you will be absolutely starving, but can only eat, like, a handful of grapes or something. You’ll feel full for about 20 minutes before you have to lather, rinse, repeat. You’re going to want to eat a family sized lasagna, and you certainly can, it’s just that it will probably take you all day to do it because you can’t eat more than 3 bites of it in one sitting.
Nosebleeds.
The human body is amazing. And disgusting. Mostly disgusting. When you’re pregnant you have increased blood circulation. More blood in your teeny nose veins can cause them to burst and presto pronto! Nosebleeds.
You’re going to have some weird dreams.
I mean, you may not, but it’s pretty common. For instance, I had a dream that Timothy Olyphant (whom I’ve never met) was driving my brother’s car (that my brother never owned), and they were picking me up at the Catholic school from the town I grew up in (that I never attended). Buckle up!
Awkwardsaurus Rex 